


The Lost Episode of The Hillywood Show: Psycho

by mmcgui12_gmu



Series: The Lost Episodes of The Hillywood Show [1]
Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies), Psycho (1960), The Hillywood Show (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Murder, Parody, Please don't read into any unintentional shipping here..., This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmcgui12_gmu/pseuds/mmcgui12_gmu
Summary: What happens to Jack Sparrow and Will Turner after Episode 15? This is a plotline that hasn't been seen... until now.(Restarted from an old account.)
Series: The Lost Episodes of The Hillywood Show [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090763
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. New Arrivals at the Bates Motel

The DeLorean rolled to a stop on a hard-packed dirt driveway in front of an L-shaped building. Just behind the building was a tall, scary, old house on a hill.  
Two pirates, William Turner and Captain Jack Sparrow, climbed out of the car and into the rain.  
"Jack, where are we?" Will asked.  
"I don't know," Jack replied.  
Will groaned and shook his head. "Let's go inside that building and ask. We should get out of the rain anyway." They walked through the first door they came to.  
"It looks like we're in some kind of office," Will said.  
Jack started playing with some light switches. One turned the light on inside the office. The other turned on a neon sign outside.  
"What was that?" Will asked.  
They went back out of the office. The sign now read "Bates Motel: Vacancy."

A young man looked out the window as the sign turned on. He ran out of the house and down the hill to the motel.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't hear you in all this rain. Go ahead in, please," he said. He nudged Jack and Will back into the motel office.

"Dirty night," the third man said as he went behind the counter. "My name's Norman Bates, by the way. Welcome to the Bates Motel."  
Will asked, "Do you have a vacancy?"  
"Oh, we have twelve vacancies," Norman said. "Twelve cabins, twelve vacancies. They, uh, they moved the highway."  
"Where does this highway go?" Will asked. "Jack! Maybe we can use it to go back home!"  
Norman looked dejected. "I know you must have gotten off the old highway," he said as he pushed the register book towards the pirates. "Nobody ever stops here unless they've done that. But there's no point in dwelling on our losses. We just keep on lighting the lights and following the formalities. Sign, please."  
Jack wrote "Captain Jack Sparrow" on the register with a flourish. He handed the pen to Will, who hesitated before signing "Orlando Bloom." He started to push the book back to Norman.  
"Your home address… Oh, just the town will do."  
"Port Royal," Will said.  
"Tortuga!" Jack said.  
"I meant write it," Norman said. The pirates did so.  
"Would you like separate rooms?" Norman asked.  
Will was about to say something, but Jack interrupted, "Oh, definitely!" He made a snipping motion with two fingers and pointed to Will. "He's a eunuch," he whispered to Norman. Will rolled his eyes.  
Norman pulled down two keys. "Cabins One and Two," he said. "They're closer, in case you two want anything. Cabin One's right next to the office."  
"I'd actually like to get some sleep," Will said.  
"I want food!" said Jack.  
"Well, there's a big diner about ten miles up the road, just outside of Fairvale," Norman said.  
"Really? Where's that?" Will asked.  
"Fifteen miles. Here, I'll get your bags."  
Will said, "We don't have any."  
"Oh, well, I guess I'll show you to your rooms, then."  
The three men left the office.


	2. An Invitation to Dinner

Outside the motel, Norman unlocked Cabin One and opened the door. He gave the key to Cabin Two to Will and the key to Cabin One to Jack. "Cabin Two is right next door," he said.  
"Thanks," Will said.  
Norman showed Jack into the cabin. Will followed.  
"Boy, it's stuffy in here," Norman said, opening the window.  
"Well, uh," he continued, "There's hangers in the closet, not that you need them, and stationery with 'Bates Motel' printed on it, in case you want to make your friends back home feel envious, and the, uh… Over there…" He went over to the bathroom and turned the light on.  
"The bathroom?" Jack asked.  
"Yes, well, uh, i-if you want anything, just… Just tap on the wall," Norman said. "I'll… I'll be in the office."  
Will said, "Thank you Mr. Bates."  
"Norman Bates," he said with a smile. More seriously, he asked, "You're not really going to go out again and drive up to the diner, are you?"  
"I was going to go see about going to get gas, actually, but no, we weren't going to go to the diner. The gas can wait until morning," Will replied.  
"Well, then, would you two do me a favor? Would you have dinner with me?" Norman asked. "I was just about to do so myself. You know, nothing special, just sandwiches and milk, but I'd like it very much if you'd come up to the house. I… I don't set a fancy table, but the kitchen's awful homey."  
"Sure," Jack said. "Do you have rum instead of milk, though?"  
"Sorry, no rum. Mother won't allow alcohol in the house."  
"Oh. What about Pepsi?”  
"No Pepsi, either."  
Jack cursed under his breath.  
"All right. Uh, you two get yourself settled, and I'll be back as soon as it's ready."  
Norman left the room and hurried towards the dark house behind the motel.


	3. Eavesdropping on Arguements

Jack decided to lie down on the bed. Will went over next to the window.  
"I don't like this place," Will said. "Something about it creeps me out."  
"Will, calm down. The nice man is nice."  
"Jack! We need to get out of here! We have to get back to Port Royal!"  
"Oh, come on! We should stay here a while after so much time travel! Plus, it’s not like we’re staying with that creepy clown guy we passed after escaping that Terminator guy."  
"Fine. One night, and that's it. Tomorrow morning, we're getting real gas in the DeLorean, not rum, and getting out of here."  
All of a sudden, Jack and Will heard a woman screaming coming from outside the window.  
"No! I tell you no! I won't have you bringing strange young pirates in for supper… by candle light, I suppose, in the cheap, erotic fashion of young men with cheap, erotic minds!"  
Jack jumped out of bed and stood next to Will by the window. Both looked out the window, curious and appalled.

Norman stood in front of an open door on the second floor of the house in a heated discussion with an elderly woman who was laying on the bed.  
"Mother, please!" he begged.  
"And then what? After supper… music? Whispers?"  
"Mother, they're just some strangers! They're hungry, and it's raining out!"  
"Mother, they're just some strangers!" she said with a mocking sneer. She continued angrily, "As if men don't desire strangers! As if… Oh, I refuse to speak of disgusting things because they disgust me! You understand, boy? Go on! Go tell them they'll not be appeasing their ugly appetites with MY food! Or my son! Or do I have to tell them, 'cause you don't have the guts? Huh, boy? You have the guts, boy?"  
"Shut up! Shut up!" Norman screamed back sharply.

Jack and Will just stared at each other, shocked, as they listened to the argument between Norman and his mother.  
"Jack, we have to get out of here! That woman is crazy!"  
They glanced back out the window and saw Norman coming out of the house. They left the room and went out to meet him.


	4. Too Officious Office

Will and Jack met Norman outside the office.  
"It sounded like we've caused you some trouble," Will said.  
Norman told them, "No. Mother… My mother… what is the phrase? She isn't quite herself today."  
"You really shouldn't have bothered. With the food, I mean," Will continued. "We really don't have much of an appetite." He stepped on Jack's foot.  
"Ow!" Jack said. "That's not true! I'm starving!" His stomach growled really loudly.  
"Oh. I'm sorry," Norman said. "I wish you could apologize for other people."  
"Hey! Let's eat!" Jack said. He grabbed the tray of sandwiches and milk and pushed his way towards the house.  
"It… it might be uh, nicer, and warmer, in the office," Norman said, starting to walk into the room.  
"OK," Jack said. He and Will followed Norman into the office.  
Norman paused for a second, then said, "Eating in an office is just… just too officious. I have the parlor back here."  
"All right," Jack said, following Norman into the parlor.  
Will asked, "Don't I get a say in this?"  
"No," Jack said.  
Will groaned and followed into the small room.


	5. Dinner in the Parlor

"Sit down," Norman said to Jack and Will, motioning to the couch as he himself sat on a nearby chair. Jack set the tray down on a small table and sat down. Will hesitated, staring suspiciously at all of the stuffed birds scattered around the parlor.  
"Come on, sit!" Jack said, pulling Will down hard onto the couch next to him.  
"Thank you, I guess," Will said.  
"Those are all for you. I'm not hungry. You go ahead," said Norman.  
Will took a sandwich, stared at it, and kind of nibbled at it. Jack started wolfing down his.  
Norman continued, "You… you eat like a bird."  
"Well, I AM Captain Jack Sparrow!"  
Will ignored Jack and said, "You'd know, of course," indicating the stuffed birds.  
"No, not really," Norman said. "Anyway, I hear the expression 'eats like a bird' is really a fals-fals-falsity, because birds really eat a tremendous lot. But, I don't really know a lot about birds. My hobby is stuffing things. You know, taxidermy. And I guess I'd rather stuff birds, because I hate the look of beasts when they're stuffed. You know, foxes and chimps. Some people stuff cats and dogs, but, oh, I can't do that. I think only birds look well stuffed, because, well, they're kind of passive to begin with."  
"It's a strange hobby. Curious," Will said. "At least it's a more productive way to spend time than always looking for rum, treasure, and women." He glared at Jack.  
Norman said, "It's uncommon, too."  
"I'll bet it is!" Jack said.  
Norman continued, "And it's not as expensive as you'd think. It's cheap, really. You know, needles and thread, sawdust. The chemicals are the only thing that cost anything."  
Will mouthed the words, "Chemicals? What?" to Jack.  
"A man should have a hobby," Jack said.  
"Well, it's more than a hobby," Norman said, leaning back in his chair. "A hobby's supposed to pass the time, not fill it."  
"Is your time so empty?" Will asked.  
"No, uh…" Norman replied. "Well, I run the office and, uh, tend the cabins and grounds, and do little errands for my mother… the ones she allows I might be capable of doing."  
Jack asked, "Do you go out with friends?"  
"Well, uh, a boy's best friend is his mother," Norman said. After an awkward pause, he continued, "You've never had empty moments in your lives, have you?"  
"Nope!" Jack said.  
"Only my share," Will said.  
Norman asked, "Where are the two of you going?"  
Jack was about to answer when Will shushed him.  
"I didn't mean to pry," Norman said.  
"We're trying to get our own private island," Will told him, trying to play it safe.  
Leaning forward with interest, Norman asked, "What are you running away from?"  
"Well, there was this robot that was trying to kill me…" Jack said.  
Will slapped his friend, and then said, "Why do you ask?"  
Norman sank back into his chair. "No, people never run away from anything." He looked out the window. "The rain didn't last long, did it?"  
Looking back at the pirates, he continued, "You know what I think? I think we're all in our private traps, clamped in them, and none of us can ever get out. We, we scratch and claw, but only at the air, only at each other, and for all of it, we never budge an inch."  
"Sometimes we deliberately step into those traps," Will said, glaring at Jack.  
"I was born in mine," Norman said. "I don't mind it anymore."  
Will responded, "Oh, but you should. You should mind it."  
"Oh, I do," Norman said with a laugh. "But I say I don't."  
"You know," Jack said, standing up and pretending to sword fight an unseen enemy using his sandwich, "If anyone ever talked to me the way I heard, the way she spoke to you…"  
Jack sat down as Norman interrupted, "Sometimes, when she talks to me like that, I feel like I'd like to go up there… and curse her… and, and, and leave her forever, or, at least, defy her. But, I know I can't. She's ill."  
"She sounded strong," Jack said.  
Norman continued, "No, I mean ill. She had to raise me all by herself after my father died. I was only five, and it must've been quite a strain for her. I mean, she didn't have to go to work or anything like that. He left her a little money. Anyway, a few years ago, Mother met this man, and he talked her into building this motel. He could've talked her into anything. And when he died, too, it was too great a shock for her. And… and the way he died…" He laughed, then said, "I guess it's nothing to talk about while you're eating."  
Jack looked down at the food he'd been eating. He then threw it on the floor in front of him, as if it would explode.  
Without paying attention to Jack, Norman said, "Anyway, it was too great a loss for her. She had nothing left."  
"Except you," Will said.  
"Well, a son is a poor substitute for a lover," Norman said.  
Jack gagged. Will asked, "Why don't you go away?"  
"To a private island like you two?"  
"No, not like us," Will said.  
Norman said, "I couldn't do that. Who'd look after her? She'd be alone up there. The fire would go out. It'd be cold and damp like a grave. If you love someone, you don't do that to them, even if you hate them. You understand that I don't hate her, I just hate what she's become. I hate the illness."  
"Wouldn't it be better if you put her… someplace…" Jack suggested.  
Norman's personality shifted darkly as he leaned towards his guests. "You mean an institution? A madhouse? People always call a madhouse someplace, don't they? 'Put her in someplace.'"  
"He didn't mean it that way," Will said. "He didn't mean it to sound uncaring."  
"Yes, I did," Jack muttered under his breath.  
"What do you know about caring?" Norman asked. "Have you ever seen the inside of one of those places? The laughing and the tears? And the cruel eyes studying you? My mother, there? But, she's harmless! Wha… she's as harmless as one of those stuffed birds!"  
Will said, "It seems she's hurting you. Jack only meant well."  
Norman continued, still angry, "People only mean well! They cluck their thick tongues and suggest, oh-so-very-delicately…" He calmed down and sat back. "Of course, I've suggested it myself, but I hate to even think about it. She needs me. It… it's not as if she were a… a maniac, a raving thing. She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?"  
"Yes. Sometimes just one time can be enough. Thank you," Will said, getting up and dragging Jack towards the door with him.  
"Thank you, Norman."  
"Norman."  
"You're not going back to your rooms already, are you?" Norman asked.  
"We're very tired. And we have a long drive back home tomorrow, back to Port Royal, when we find gas."  
"Really, Will?" Jack asked.  
"Really?" Norman repeated.  
"Jack stepped into some private traps back there, and I need to help him pull him out before it's too late for the both of us," Will said.  
"Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay?" Norman asked. "Just for talk?"  
"I want to!" Jack said.  
"No, you don't, Jack," Will said.  
"All right," Norman said, understandingly. "Well, uh, I'll see you two in the morning. I'll bring you some breakfast, all right? What time?"  
Will suggested, "Very early. Dawn."  
"All right, Mr., uh…"  
"Turner," Will slipped up.  
"Turner. That's it."  
"Good night," Will said. He dragged Jack back out of the parlor and the office.


	6. The Bathroom

Jack went back to Cabin One, and Will to Cabin Two.

Norman went back into the office and looked at the register. The name Jack Sparrow seemed to match the dreadlocked pirate he talked to. The name Orlando Bloom didn't match the other one, who had just said his name was Turner.  
He walked back into the parlor and stopped at the far side. He paused, listening. As he stood there, lit from below by a single small lamp, he, and the stuffed birds, looked ominous.  
He turned to the wall and took a painting down. He crouched down and looked through a hole clawed in the wall, through a small peephole that looked into Cabin One.  
Through the peephole, Norman could clearly see what Jack was doing.

Jack just sat there on the bed, really bored. He got up, went over to the desk and sat down in the chair next to it. He started doodling on the pad of paper that Norman mentioned.

Norman backed away from the wall. He looked towards his house. He went into the house, determined to do something. He stopped short of going upstairs. Deflated, he went into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

Jack noticed that his doodles looked like a treasure map. He then remembered that Norman said that his father left his mother money after he died. Jack decided to look for the money. He started to look in the bathroom.  
He got distracted by the toilet, laughing and flushing it several times for what seemed like no reason. Then he got distracted by the shower. He stepped into it, fully clothed, looked up at the shower head, and turned it on. He sputtered and stepped back as the water shot down into his face.  
As the water hit Jack's face, a woman crept into the bathroom and attacked Jack with a large knife. Jack tried to fight back, but the woman overpowered him. Just as suddenly as she started the stabbing, the woman left the room.  
Jack fell to the floor, dragging the shower curtain with him.


	7. Cleaning Up Mother's Mess

Meanwhile, Will tried to fall asleep, completely oblivious to what was going on in the next room. He was still suspicious of Norman, but he tried to ignore it, thinking of the plan to leave early the next morning. He just wanted to get away from Norman… and his crazy mother.

Back in the house, Norman saw red… all over his mother and her clothes. He knew it wasn’t his mother’s own blood. It took him a minute or two to realize that his mother had encountered one or both of the pirates in the motel down the hill.  
“Mother! Oh, God! Mother! Blood! Blood!” he screamed. He tore out of the house and into Cabin One. He glanced in the bathroom, quickly backing out of the small room and against a nearby wall, covering his mouth in shock and revulsion at what his mother had done. A picture of a bird fell off where his shoulder was. He walked over to the window and closed it and the blinds. Then he sat down on the bed, trying to calm himself. He decided to clean up his mother’s mess.

Will, struggling to fall asleep still, thought he heard a lot of noise coming from the next room. He bolted up and started to panic, but then he realized that Captain Jack Sparrow was in there.  
“Don’t worry,” Will told himself. “Jack knows what he’s doing… I hope. He just better not be getting into too much trouble.”  
He fell back onto the bed and pulled the covers around him, trying desperately to get at least a little bit of sleep.

Norman went into the office and got a mop and bucket from a small closet. He went back to Cabin One, turning the office light off as he left. He walked back into Cabin One, over to the bathroom, hesitating at the door. He set down the mop and bucket and turned off the running shower. Disgusted, he took the shower curtain out of Jack’s hand and spread it out on the floor by the door. He dragged Jack onto it. Then he washed off his bloody hands. He started cleaning the shower, mopping out the tub and washing the walls with a towel.  
He left the room and slowly drove the DeLorean up to the porch near the door and parked it. He couldn’t tell if there was a trunk, so he just opened the passenger door. He went back in to where Jack was and wrapped the pirate up in the shower curtain. Then Norman carried the pirate out to the car and put him in the passenger side.  
Back inside the room, Norman tried to think if Jack had brought anything to the motel. Then he remembered that Jack and Will came with nothing. Norman put the picture of the bird back on the wall, got the mop and bucket, and went out onto the porch.  
A car passed by. Norman set down the mop and bucket until he was sure it was completely gone. Once it was, he picked them back up and put them in the DeLorean with Jack. He closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side.  
He drove the car to a quiet swamp not too far from the motel. He got out of the DeLorean and pushed it into the swamp, and it began to sink. Norman watched most of the car disappear under the murky water… and then it stopped. He started to panic, and then began to calm back down as the car went all the way under.


	8. Early Morning

Early the next morning, Will went to go get Jack and leave the Bates Motel. The first thing he noticed when exiting his room was that the DeLorean was missing. He ran to his friend’s door.  
“Jack!” he yelled, banging on the door. “Are you in there? Jack!” Of course, there was no answer.  
Will ran up to the house. As he went up the hill, he glanced in the only lit window, one on the second floor in the front of the house. It looked like an old woman was looking down at him. He thought she looked more ill than Norman had said the night before, but he ignored it. Will knocked on the door, but got no response for several minutes.

Norman heard someone knocking on the front door. He knew that it was probably Will, coming to look for Jack. He panicked, trying to figure out what to do. He calmed down and went downstairs.  
“What’s going on?” he asked, opening the door. “I thought you and Jack were leaving.”  
“That’s the thing. It looks like Jack left me here. I’m not surprised he abandoned me, since he does that a lot, but I need to get home, too,” Will said.  
“Sounds like he’s sort of a bad friend.”  
“He has his moments. Just like your mother.”

Will saw a look of anger quickly flit across Norman’s face. It was almost as if he didn’t see it, it was so quick.  
“Anyway, what should I do?” he asked.  
Norman thought for a minute.  
“I’ll call a cab to come pick you up and take you into town. You can go see if Jack already went to go get the gas.”


	9. Sam's Hardware

A man sat in a small room in the back of a hardware store, writing a letter. He heard his employee, Bob Summerfield, talking to a woman customer.  
“They tell you what the ingredients are,” the woman said. “And how it’s guaranteed to exterminate every insect in the world, but they do not tell you whether or not it’s painless. And I say insect or man, death should always be painless.”

Will looked up at the sign above the door of the store. “Sam’s Hardware,” it read. Will walked into the building and over to Bob. He asked, “Excuse me, are you Sam?”  
Bob called to the back room, “Sam! A man wants to see you!”  
“Yes, sir?” Sam asked as he walked into the main store.  
“I’m Jack Sparrow’s friend.”  
“Oh, sure! Will Turner!”  
“Is Jack here?”  
“Why, of course not! Is something wrong?”  
The cash register rang and the woman left.  
Will said, “We arrived at this motel just outside town on Friday. I was in my own room overnight and I haven’t heard from him since.”

Sam looked concerned.  
“Look,” Will said. “If you two are in this thing together, I don’t care. It’s none of my business, but I want him to tell me it’s none of my business! And then I’ll go…”  
Sam turned to Bob and said, “Bob, run out and get yourself some lunch, will you?”  
“That’s OK, Sam, I brought it with me.”  
“Run out and eat it.” Bob ran out through a back door. Sam turned to Will and asked, “Now, what thing could we be in together?”

A man walked in, unnoticed by Sam and Will, wearing a suit and hat and carrying a coat. He quietly paid attention to the conversation.  
“Well, is Jack in trouble? What is it?” Sam asked.  
“Let’s all talk about Captain Jack, shall we?” the third man asked, walking in closer.  
“Who are you, friend?” Sam asked.  
“My name is Arbogast, friend,” the new man replied. “I’m a private investigator.” He pulled out an ID. “Where is he, Mr. Turner?”  
“I don’t know you,” Will said.  
“Oh, I know you don’t, because if you did, I wouldn’t be able to follow you.”  
“What’s your interest in this?” Sam asked Arbogast.  
Arbogast leaned back against the counter and said, “Well, a time-traveling car called the DeLorean.”

“A time-traveling car?” Sam asked in disbelief.  
“That’s right,” Arbogast said.  
Sam looked at Will, and then Arbogast. “Well, one of you better tell me what's going on, and tell me fast! I can take just so much of this!”  
Arbogast told him, “Now take is easy, friend. Take it easy. You just… This pirate stole a time-traveling car.”  
“Stole it?! What?!” Will asked.  
Sam asked the detective, “What are you talking about?” To Will, he continued, calmer, “What is this?”

Will sighed and said, “An inventor name Dr. Brown lent it to us so we could try to go back to our own time period in Port Royal. Jack steals money, not cars. Anyway, we arrived at this motel last Friday night, and we were going to get gas the next morning and leave. He left without me the next morning. Obviously, I haven’t seen him since. Nobody has.”  
“Someone has seen him,” Arbogast said. “Someone always sees a pirate with a time-traveling car from the future.”  
“Sam, I just want to go home… and give the car back,” Will said. “Sam, if he’s here…”  
“He isn’t!” Sam yelled. More quietly, he said, “He isn’t.”  
“Mr. Turner, can I ask you a question? Did you come up here on just a hunch and nothing more?” Arbogast asked.  
“Not even a hunch. Just hope.”  
“Well, with a little checking, I could get to believe you.”  
“I don’t care if you believe me or not!” Will said. To Sam, he continued, “All I want to do is see Jack before he gets in too deeply!”  
“Did you check in town? Hospitals? Maybe he had an accident or a holdup,” Sam said.  
“No,” Will said. “I think I vaguely remember hearing the DeLorean leaving that night.”  
“I can’t believe it,” Sam said to Will. “Can you?”  
“Yes.”  
“Well, you know we're always quickest to doubt people who have a reputation for being honest,” Arbogast said.  
“Jack isn’t honest,” Will said. “He’s a pirate captain, remember?”  
“I think he’s here, Mr. Turner,” Arbogast continued. “Well, he's not back there with the nuts and bolts, but he's here, in this town, somewhere. I'll find him. I'll be seeing you.”  
He turned and left.


	10. The Interview

Arbogast remembered Will had said that the two pirates had stayed at a motel the night Jack disappeared, but never said which one. For the rest of that day and into the next, the detective drove around, searching local motels for clues to Jack’s whereabouts.

Norman sat on the porch of the Bates Motel, outside the office, eating candy from a bag. A car drove up, and Arbogast got out. Norman greeted the detective.  
“Good evening,” Arbogast said.  
“Evening.”  
“I almost drove right past.”  
“I'm always forgetting to turn the sign on, but we do have a vacancy,” Norman said. “Twelve, in fact. Twelve cabins, twelve vacancies.” Holding out the bag of candy, he offered some to the detective.

“No, thanks,” Arbogast said. “Uh, the last two days, I've been to so many motels that my eyes are bleary with neon, but, you know, this is the first place that looks like it's hiding from the world.”  
“Well, I'll tell you the truth,” Norman said. “I didn't really forget to turn the sign on. It just doesn't seem like any use anymore, you know?”  
“Oh?”  
“You see, that used to be the main highway right there. Well, do you want to come in and register?”  
“No, no. Sit down. I don't want to trouble you. I just want to ask you a few questions.”  
“Oh, that's no trouble. Today's linen day. I always change the beds here once a week, whether they've been used or not. Hate the smell of dampness, don't you? It's such a… I don't know, creepy smell. Come on.”  
The detective was led into the office.

Norman continued, “You, uh, you out to buy a motel?”  
“No.”  
Norman was confused for a moment. He turned on the desk lamp and took bed sheets out of the closet where he got the mop and broom to clean up Cabin One.  
“Reason I asked, you said you'd seen so many in the past couple of days, I thought maybe you, uh… What, uh, what was it you wanted to ask?”  
Arbogast said, “Well, you see, I’m looking for a missing person. My name’s Arbogast. I’m a private investigator.” He pulled out his ID.  
“Oh?” Norman asked.

“I’ve been trying to trace a pirate that's been missing for, oh, about a week now. From Tortuga, or possibly Port Royal. It’s a private matter. The friends and crew, and a scientist-inventor, want to forgive him. He’s not in any trouble. Or, at least, not now.”  
“I didn't think the police went looking for people who aren't in trouble,” Norman said, confused.  
“Oh, I’m… I’m not the police.”  
“Oh, you’re…”  
“We have someone that was with him that said he came along this way and may have stopped in the area. Did he stop here?” Arbogast pulled out a picture of Jack, a small photocopy of the Count Jackula movie poster.

Norman’s mind flicked to Will’s face. He quickly put this thought out of his mind.  
“Well, no one’s stopped here for a couple of weeks,” he lied.  
“Would you mind looking at the picture before committing yourself?”  
Norman smiled. “’Commit myself?’ You sure talk like a policeman!”  
Laughing, Arbogast continued, “Well, look at the picture, please.”  
Norman took the photo, leaned in slightly, and squinted a bit to look at it better. “Nuh-uh.”

“Well, he, or the friend he was with, may have used an alias. Captain Jack Sparrow is the missing man; William Turner is the friend. Those are their real names,” Arbogast said. “But, they could’ve registered under different ones.”  
“Well, I'll tell you, I don't even much bother with guests registering anymore. You know, one by one you drop the formalities. I shouldn't even bother changing the sheets, but old habits die hard. Which reminds me…”  
Norman turned and flipped on the switch to power the motel sign outside.  
“What’s that?” asked Arbogast.  
“It’s the light, the sign.”  
“Oh.”

“We had a couple last week said if the thing hadn't been on they would have thought this was an old deserted…” Norman started.  
Arbogast smiled and interrupted, “Well, you see… and that's exactly my point! You said that nobody'd been here for a couple of weeks, and there's a couple came by, and they didn't know that you were open.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Well, as you say, old habits die hard. It's possible these pirates could have registered under other names. Do you mind if I look at your book?”  
Norman agreed and took out the register book.  
“Thank you,” the detective said. He craned over the register. “Now, let's see. Now, here's the date somewhere… hmm.”  
“There’s nobody…”

“Let’s see now. I have a sample of his handwriting here…” Arbogast took out a slip of paper and compared it to the book on the counter. “Oh, yes, here we are…  
Norman continued to eat his candy as he looked into the book as well.  
“Captain Jack Sparrow,” Arbogast said. “That’s him. But why did his friend register under the name Orlando Bloom? No matter, I’ll ask him later.”  
“So it is him?” Norman asked. “For sure?”  
“Yeah, yeah, I think so…” He pushes the photo back towards Norman. “Was he in disguise, by any chance? Want to check the picture again?”

Norman started to become extremely nervous. “Look, I-I wasn't lying to you, mister. It's just that…”  
Arbogast interrupted, “Oh, I know that. I know you wouldn't lie.”  
“You know, it's tough keeping track of the time around here…”  
“Oh, I know, I know,” Arbogast interrupted again.  
Norman leaned in to get a better look at the picture, taking it. “Ohhh, yeah! Well, it, it was raining, and, uh, his hair was all wet. His friend’s, too.” He gave the picture back. “I tell you, it's not really a very good picture of Jack, either.”  
“No, I guess not. Now, tell me all about the two of them.”  
“Well, uh, they arrived, uh, rather late one night, and they went straight to sleep and, uh, left early the next morning.”  
“Well, how early?” asked Arbogast.  
“Oh, ex… very early.”

The private detective’s suspicions were triggered. Will Turner may’ve been an early riser, but Captain Jack was a different matter…  
“Uh-huh,” Arbogast continued. “Which morning was that?”  
“Uh, the, uh… th-th-th-th-th-th-th-the next morning. Sunday.”  
“I see. Uh-huh. Uh, did anyone meet Jack and his friend here?”  
“No.”  
“Did Jack arrive with someone other than Will? As in a third person?”  
Norman thought a minute. “Mm, no.”  
“Uh-huh. Did he, did Jack, make any phone calls, or talk any to Will, or…?”  
“No.”  
“No calls locally?”  
“No.”  
“Did you spend the night with him?”  
Norman was shocked by the question. “No!”  
“Well then, how did you know he didn’t make any phone calls?”

Norman had to quickly recover from the slip. “Oh, we… W-well, Jack’s friend Will was very tired, and, uh, see, I… Now I’m starting to, uh, remember it. I’m making a mental picture of it, in my mind. You know, if you make a mental picturization of something…”  
“That’s right, that’s right,” Arbogast interrupted. “Take your time.”  
“Uh, he was... He and Will were sitting back there… No, no, they were standing back there with sandwiches in their hands, and Will said, uh… They had to go to sleep early because they, uh, a long d-d-d-dr-drive, uh, ahead of them.”  
“Uh-huh. Back where?”  
“Back, uh, where they came from.”  
“No, no,” Arbogast said. “You said before that they were sitting back…”  
“Oh, uh…”  
“…Or, standing back there…”  
Norman interrupted, “Yes, b-back in my, uh, my parlor there. They were hungry, or, Jack was hungry, and I made the two of them sandwiches. And then his friend said they were tired, and they had to go, uh, back to bed.”  
“Oh, I see. How did they pay you? Cash? Check?”  
“I don’t think Jack expected to pay, since he’s a pirate, but Will paid cash before he left.”  
“Oh, cash, huh? Uh-huh. And after they left, they didn’t come back?”  
“Nuh-uh,” Norman replied. “Well, why should they?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Well, Mr. Arbogast, uh, I guess that's about it, eh? I've got some work to do, if you don't mind.”

Arbogast was beginning to become annoyed at the fact that Norman seemed all too eager to get rid of the detective. “Well, to tell you the truth, I do mind. You see, if it doesn't jell, it isn't aspic. And this ain't jelling. It's not coming together. Something's missing.”  
Norman nodded understandingly. “Well, I-I don’t know what you ex… could expect me to know. People just come and go, you know?”  
“That’s right. Jack isn’t still here, is he?”  
Norman laughed. “No.”  
“Uh-huh. If I wanted to, uh, check the cabins… all twelve of them… I’d need a warrant, wouldn’t I?”  
Norman replied good-naturedly, “Listen, if you don’t believe me, come on. Come on with me, and you can help me change the beds, OK?”  
“Oh, oh, well, no thanks.”  
Arbogast followed Norman out of the office. Norman started to go into Cabin One, hesitated, and continued on down the line. The detective turned and noticed the house on the hill… and someone sitting in a lit window on the second floor.  
Out of nowhere, Norman returned and asked, “Oh, uh, changed your mind? You know, I think I must have one of those faces you can’t help but believing.”  
“Is anyone at home?” asked Arbogast.  
“No.”  
“Oh? Well, there’s someone sitting up in the window.”  
“No, no there isn’t.”  
“Oh, sure there is! Take a look!”

Norman started automatically, without so much as glancing at the window, “Oh, that, th-that must be my mother. She’s an in-i-valid… an invalid. Uh, it’s practically like living alone.” He knew it was a poor excuse, but he hoped the detective bought it.  
“Oh, I see. Now, if this pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow, were here, you wouldn’t be hiding him, now would you?”  
“No.”  
“Not even if he paid you well, even more than he must’ve been paying that Will Turner fellow?”  
“No,” Norman laughed.  
“Let’s just say, just for the sake of argument, that he wanted you to gallantly protect him. You’d know that you were being used? You wouldn’t be made a fool of, would you?”  
“But I’m, I’m not a fool…”  
“Well, then…”  
“…And I’m not capable of being fooled, n-not even by a pirate.”  
“Well, this is not a slur on your manhood. I’m sorry.”  
Norman sighed. “No, let’s put it this way. Jack might’ve fooled me, but he didn’t fool my mother.”

Arbogast caught this latest slip-up. “Well, then, your mother met him! Could I talk to your mother?”  
“No. As, as I told you, she’s, she’s confined.”  
“Yes, but just for a few minutes, that’s all. There might be some hint that you missed out on. You know, sick old women are usually pretty sharp…”  
“Uh, mis… Mister…”  
“Just a moment. I wouldn’t disturb her.”

“Mr. Arbogast, I-I think I’ve… I think I’ve talked to you all I want to.”  
“Yes, but just for…”  
“So I think it'd be much better if you left now. Thanks.”  
“Uh, all right, all right. You sure would save me a lot of leg work if you'd let me talk to her about…” Norman shook his head as Arbogast continued, “Would I need a warrant for that, too?”  
“Sure.”  
“Uh-huh. All right. Thanks anyway.”  
As Arbogast got in the car and drove away, Norman held the bed sheets out in front of him, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He thought he’d finally gotten rid of the detective for good.


	11. A Dissatisfied Feeling

Of course, that would prove too good to be true. A few minutes after leaving the motel, Arbogast stopped at a phone booth and made a call. “Oh, hello, Loomis? This is Arbogast. Is Will Turner there? Good. Let me talk to him, please.” There was a pause as the other line was passed along.  
“Hello, Will? Will, listen, Jack was up here. Yes. I know you know that. The owner remembers the two of you spent last Saturday night at the Bates Motel. It's right out here on the old highway. I even know what cabin he was in. It was number one. Well, this young fella that runs the place said that he just spent the night, left the next day, and that was it.” He paused again as Will responded.  
“Uh, no, not exactly,” Arbogast said. “Well, I did question him, believe me, but I think I got all there was to get. I'll just have to pick up the pieces from here.” There was another pause as Will started talking again.  
“Well, I tell you, I don't feel, uh, entirely satisfied,” the detective told the pirate. “See, this boy had a sick old mother. I think she saw Jack and talked to him.” Arbogast paused again as Will asked about Mrs. Bates.  
“No, no, unfortunately, he wouldn’t let me see her.” Another pause. “Well, I was, but uh, I think I'll go back to the motel first.” Will tried to cut in, but Arbogast continued, “No--you stay there with Loomis. I’ll be back in about an hour.” Arbogast let Will talk a moment.  
“Alright, fine. Listen, I… You’ll be happy to know what I think. Uh, I think our friend Sam Loomis didn’t know that Jack was here. Yeah. See you in about an hour. Or less. Alright. Bye-bye.”


End file.
